Perseverance in the Face of Adversity

I'm feeling kinda down these days. Maybe it's the hormonal imbalance and the lack of appropriate sleep, but anyhuu... it's making me edgy. In addition to this, I came across some of my batchmates today who are already graduating. My heart was filled with awe and joy for them, but there were some who weren't really happy to see me.

Well... no one is perfect and maybe I did some crazy nasty things back then, but it just pains me that people can be very judgmental and that they base your very being on one or two situations or incidents.

I was happy to also see that some of them have forgotten our differences and moved on. Blessed are those kinds of people and I pray for their success each day.

I'm kinda sad and upset that I now know who my real friends are and those who were just in with me for the ride. You really can't know who to trust until you fall flat on the ground. Alas, thanks to God... I am warned. :)

All I know is that even if people are silently talking about me behind my back (or am I just paranoid? lol) and judging me harshly, here I am proudly and steadily persevering to become a doctor.

There is a deep and personal reason for my previous failures which is causing delay to my M.D. graduation. I do not have to keep explaining to people on why. I don't owe anyone any explanation.

Trust me. You will see me rise again... in God's time. For now, God has humbled me to the lowly plains to replenish me when the time is ripe.

"Defeat is precisely what the enemy wants: Adverse circumstances arise, we flee in fear or defeat, and the enemy triumphs (interesting that he is called our "adversary" in 1 Peter 5:8). The last thing he wants is for God to be glorified through the trials in our lives." - Taken from: The Identity Project

FIGHT.

Finals are coming up and it's either you make it or you break it.

I can't afford to be delayed again or what.

FIGHT!

COFFEE IS MY NEW FOUND FRIEND THESE COUPLE OF DAYS :)

Excited to be M.D. soon :) *fingers crossed

To God be thy Glory :)

TIME OUT!

GUILTY. I told myself to get rid of any distractions for the upcoming finals in 2 weeks, but here I am blogging. DISCIPLINE!

I guess I can't help it because I am so fueled with passion and inspiration which I haven't felt in the longest time.

At present, I am reading "The Outliers" by Malcolm Gladwell, and THUMBS UP. Everything I every questioned about in my life is there. 

I will blog in detail soon. But one quick food for thought that I want to share in that book: "There is no direct correlation between intellect and achievement." You need a little bit more to excel. The ingredients for success is summed up in: passion, hardwork, talent, grabbing opportunities and entitlement.

Still in the first chapters but WOW... it gave me that extra boost to work harder in my studies :)

One quick advice for incoming medical students, don't let the day pass by without reminding yourself why you have chosen the path to become a doctor. Read inspirational books and fuel yourself with passion. Intellect, high IQ and high grades wouldn't matter that much in med school (I mean hello, will your patients ask you if you had high grades in med school?). Personal skills, compassion and personality goes a long long way, not just in med school but beyond this field we all dream of.

CHOW. :) Need to do my orthopedic paper :)

Failing Forward

We seem to gain wisdom more readily through our failures than through our successes. 

We always think of failure as the antithesis of success, but it isn't. 

Success often lies just the other side of failure.

Let Go of the Pointless Drama

This Life is Yours.

“This life is yours. Take the power to choose what you want to do and do it well. Take the power to love what you want in life and love it honestly. Take the power to walk in the forest and be a part of nature. Take the power to control your own life. No one else can do it for you. Take the power to make your life happy.” 

― Susan Polis Schutz

Mother Teresa on Life

“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. 

If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.

If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. 

For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.” 

― Mother Teresa

When in Doubt, Remember these things.

You'll need these motivational quotes in medical school.

It serves as a remembrance that positive thinking goes a long, long way.

It differs from various students however.

I, on the other hand benefit so much from reading these.

It makes me want to persevere more.

THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

*sigh*

"If only I sought the easy way out."

A.M.'s thought on Life

‎"When you're young, you feel like life hasn't yet begun, like life is scheduled to begin next week, next month, next year, after the holidays - whenever. But suddenly you're old, and the scheduled life never arrived. I find myself asking, 'Well, then, what was it exactly I was doing with all that time I had before I thought my life would begin?'" from Coupland's Player One.

Don't Quit Medical School

Last week, I had all the intention to quit medical school.

Personal reasons, I hope you don't mind that I keep this to myself.

But then, I realized that I'm half way there.

It's really just a long, long, long journey and I am getting impatient.

Keys to ponder on before entering medical school.

Get ready for a roller coaster ride of emotional turmoil.

You will encounter a lot of frustration, a lot of competition, a lot of disappointments, a lot of emotional attachment with the patients (and how to cope not to get affected when they die), a lot of readings, etc...

And that's just the beginning.

So if I were you, please.

DON'T ENTER MED SCHOOL.

I have no more choice since I have already invested so much in this field. That's just me.

But for you aspiring med students, think twice, think thrice--THINK.

And If you do DECIDE on BECOMING A DOCTOR, PREPARE YOURSELF.

You got to be emotionally strong.

It's not JUST GRADES HERE YOU KNOW.

IT'S BALANCING YOUR IQ AND EQ.

BOTH WILL BE TESTED.

TRUST ME.

I Feel This Everyday

Bear in Mind that...

You will always be in my mind and heart, Kuya, Lolo and Lola.

Please pray for me.

I know you have found peace in God.

I love you guys so much.

Take it as a Challenge.

I am ready to spread my wings and fly. 

Even if I have no sleep and no rest, it won't make me stop achieving the things that I want to accomplish in my life.

I don't know how. I am afraid. Everything is telling me that it's impossible (logically) but then again, my faith in God prevails. I know in the end, He will make all things possible if I just truly believe.

Don't let me go... I humbly pray. I am doing my best, I attest life as my bear witness.

But in the advent that it does, I will bear the pain--that awful pain of rejection and dismay.

Try as I must, but I can only do so much... I firmly pray that at least one sees that I at least did my best.

But even if no one else sees it, I will be standing still to be the only one to be proud of myself.

You don't know what I am going through so you don't have the right to comment on my very life.

You don't know what I have to endure just to withstand the pressure in this career I chose....

So close your mouth. Hush, the words come out are painful.

But in the end, I do not care since for me all your words are futile.

Trust in God, Angelica. He will be the one to get you through this unbearable test of strength in the field we chose, the field of medicine.

In the end, it would be worth-it. Just bear it mind, one day you too will be M.D.

Take everything as a challenge. Lift everything to God.

and....

LET GO.

Now, let's jump off the cliff and spread our wings up high as our Father in Heaven will bring us up high.

Tired like Hell.

Tired like Hell. My back keeps hurting and the spot where they say I have adenomyoma is hurting badly, but can't really dwell on it because I gotta keep going.

Third year of medical school is tough. So many things needed to do keeps piling up. 

I hate this f* routine. I keep doing my paper in the morning. I hate procrastination.
But I can't help it because I am dead asleep when I go home.

I can't even eat lunch decently.

The nerve of some people to assume things.
The nerve of them to demand so much from me and accuse you of not giving ample time for them.

So pissed.

Dead tired. Now off to Pediatrics paper. I will deal with you when I have the luxury of time.

Home.

I don't know what I will do without my trusty locker.

Books are so damn heavy and for some weird reasons, I don't like bringing a bag around the campus.


HAHAHA.

Find Ways to Motivate Yourself

My room is filled with little notes so that when I get depressed or burn-out with medical school, I am reminded on why I even did this in the first place.

Luckily, I have prepared my mind and soul for what awaits for me in this field. 

I guess, my one year break before med school was worth-it after all.

It taught me how to manage myself and how to stay focus despite the tough academic load. Maybe this is the reason why despite I have so much things to do for tomorrow, I find time to do what I want to do such as writing, hence the existence of this blog site.

I have pictures of people who matter the most to me so that when sh*! happens, I am reminded that they would be there for me. No matter if I would be at the lowest point of my life or at the highest, I know that they would back me up without judgment, without being too critical and without a single word that would hurt.

Thank you.

You don't know how your mere existence propels me to withstand this unbearable test of strength.

We will be doctors one day, and you wouldn't want your primary care physicians to be the first one to panic when things get rough. Maybe that's why they make things harder for us in order to be that source of strength.

I guess.

....

Like what my board says...

                                                                                                                                                 

"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."

                                                                                                                                                 

And so.... you are mine. Thank you. :)

Technical Difficulties.

I did something stupid with my brand new lenovo laptop.

DAMMIT. I'm frustrated with what I did so allow me not to get into the details.

I'll be fixing the problem this weekend, to my dismay, need to reinstall operating system. HAGGARD.

Oh well, tough luck boyfriend. :) I am so sorry. hihihihi

My Only Exception

This song pierces my heart to the core.

Just made a few revisions to make the lyrics in prose form, here it goes:

                                                                                                                                                 

When I was younger, I saw my daddy cry as he cursed at the wind. He broke his own heart and I watched as he tried to reassemble it. My mama swore that she would never let herself forget and that was the day that I promised myself I'd never sing of love since it doesn't exist.

Maybe I know, somewhere deep in my soul that love never lasts. We've got to find other ways to make it on our own, alone or keep a straight face. I've always lived like this. I kept a comfortable distance and up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness. None of it was ever worth the risk.

I've got a tight grip on reality but I can't let go of what's in front of me here. I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up, which leaves me with some kind of proof that all of this is not a dream.

You are the only exception. You are my only exception.

I'm on my way to believe. I'm on my way in believing.

                                                                                                                                                

There can be Life aside from Medicine... seriously.

Just finished my tasks for today. Not really medical related but more of on a personal note. I was able to run down to my bank, BDO in Quezon Avenue to close my account in order to transfer it to BPI. On my way home, I was able to inquire about opening a bank account in Metrobank, Q. Ave branch.

The heat of the sun was at it's finest and as usual I had to f* walk.

Like driving a car will happen within my reach at this life time of mine. Seriously, let us all move on.

HAHA. But that's a sensitive issue I don't want to tackle.

Also, I found out that Fete de la Musique 2012 is tomorrow!

OMG. I am so excited.

I am trying to learn how to mix club songs. I am not trying to walk into the shadows of my late beloved brother, DJ LAMOK (the guy they always dedicate the rap battles in fliptop. haha. I have a famous brother, isn't that cool?). Lamok's music was more of.... actually I duno what it was. But mine is more of clubbing and dancing.

So I am looking forward for the hip hop and electronika stage tomorrow :)

When Death has No Bearing... Anymore.

Earlier on today, our group had to interview a patient in the medicine ward of UERM hospital, charity section. It was not my turn to take the history and physical examination so I just had to observe my other group mates. It was boring, sitting just there... watching.

So what happened was while I had to practically be there to support my group mates, the patient just beside our assigned patient was very friendly so in my usual talkative state, I kept her company.

We had a good conversation until we came across sensitive topics about death, doctors who only cares about money and how the poor would rather not consult a doctor due to their financial status.

I was numbed. I didn't know what to say to convince her of not giving up hope and to reconsider her belief that all doctors are after financial gain.

As we were having a wonderful conversation, I felt this pain in my heart that I want to help her more. I was so overwhelmed with her story on how all her life savings were washed away because of her sickness. She elaborated that she used to be a pay patient in our private hospital but because of her kidney problem (She needs to have a kidney dialysis every 8 hours, everyday for the rest of her life), she was robbed of everything. In her own words, "Naubos ang lahat ng kabuhayan ko."

My heart crushed. My eyes were tearing and that's when I realized I needed to wrap-up the conversation because if I did not, I will be swayed. And knowing myself when I get swayed, I might help this patient financially leaving me broke. LOL.

So as I was trying to bid farewell, I was crushed once more when she said that she thinks she wouldn't last another year with her condition.

Oh boy. Oh no.

I tried to comfort her, but all my words were futile.

So, the best thing I could do was to leave... immediately as I felt that tears were starting to fall.