When In Doubt...

You'll get there. It's just taking some time, but you will.

☺

Mute. An ENT Clinical Clerk's required reflection.

Ever since I could remember, I wanted to write for a living. I eat and breathe literature. But then, things turned differently when I passed the most prestigious high school (so they say), the Philippine Science High School, Main Campus. My parents did not force me (in fairness to my dad and my mom, they respected my decision just in any case), the circumstances forced me. Life was not always a silver spoon for my family. We had our ups and downs. That moment when I saw my mother cry because her head was spinning where to get the means to provide for her children was my turning point. I gave up my dream and signed that f* up contract to have a science course 4 years from that day, May of 2001. Having finished it on October 2009, after graduating from UP Diliman B.S. Biology made me feel accomplished; however another opportunity was knocking on the door--medical school.

Life was not easy. No one has it smoothly. When life throws you a ball, you throw it back. Why? Because you just got to. Nothing else to say. No more excuses. No words left. You just have to.

Easy as that. I gave up writing. I also lost the eloquence of my words through the years. Writer's drought as they call it. But bit by bit, I found my words by coming to terms with myself and I was able to live out with the decisions I've made.

Someday.

Someday. I can't contain this passion inside of me. I have been reading the book by Robert Greene entitled, "Mastery," and wow... all I can say is wow. It is such a wonder on how one book can give me so much profound knowledge and understanding.

My mind is racing with thoughts and dreams of the future. I am filled with tears with the knowledge that my passion has come back to me. Ever since my brother died 3 years ago, I felt different. As if my world changed and that everything in my life had no meaning... pointless.

Bereavement at it's finest, you may say. Many would have suggested that I should have took another year off from medical school to relieve oneself from the trauma and depression but the agony of not doing anything and the thought of not distracting myself from my grief was unbearable. So, I entered medical school even if I was in deep bereavement, which I have hidden so well with a poker face for years.

School was a routine, just to get by and I lost my vision, mission and my passion for my work. I lost sight of my goal and you may say... yes, I was indeed lost. Many asked me how I persevered, in an atmosphere where the competition is tough, where you do not know who your real friends are and where you must be cautious to trust who.... I guess, what gave me the strength was that I knew in my heart that becoming a doctor is my life's task, my calling, my vocation, my greatest achievement in my life, and my life's sole purpose.

Surpassing the Disappointment and Setbacks.

I've been too hung up on the fact that I filed a LEAVE OF ABSENCE (LOA) last semester during my Third Year as a Medical Student in the University of the East Ramon Magsaysay Memorial Medical Center Inc (UERMMCI) that I have been numbed to my feelings and at the same time been avoiding the subject matter per se.

But recent events had urged me to write about the feelings of what it is like to file an LOA since a freshman student from UP Manila committed suicide because of her forced LOA in response to her inability to pay her tuition fee.

As I try to find more objective evidences about this girl, Kristel Tejada from various news sources, one thing boils down... it is the disappointment of not graduating on time and regrets that stem from your goals in life for your love ones. I can relate because here I am, excited to be an intern at last next year but due to unexpected setbacks, I just have to learn how to cope on dealing with the fact that it's going to be delayed another year once more.

The Line of Uncertainty and The Point of No Return.

I've been away for a very long time and for my readers, I apologize for that. It's just that I have been having a very emotional and rough path these days, these weeks, these months and these years.

What am I saying?

I am saying that I am undergoing a transformation which entails a lot of thinking, medication and internal peace. I am at the stage of my life right now where I am at the line of uncertainty but I have already crossed the point of no return.

I don't know if anyone has experienced what I am saying so let me further elaborate it.

Enjoy the Moment with American Idol.

I feel refreshed.

With all that stress in my neck, I really needed that break last night.

Enjoyed the American Idol Live Tour with my family courtesy of my brother, who got Patron passes from his job. He works for History Channel and I am so enjoying the perks that comes with his job.

I'm so proud of my brother for his accomplishments :)

Even if I needed to study, I chose to support him and to cherish the family bonding.

Medical school is not just about studying, you know.

There can be life aside from Med school, if only you have mastered the art of time management in your pre-medical years.

I KNOW I PAID THE PRICE BEFORE ENTERING.

I had one tough pre-med course.

Many witnessed that. 

Haha.

Don't Quit Medical School

Last week, I had all the intention to quit medical school.

Personal reasons, I hope you don't mind that I keep this to myself.

But then, I realized that I'm half way there.

It's really just a long, long, long journey and I am getting impatient.

Keys to ponder on before entering medical school.

Get ready for a roller coaster ride of emotional turmoil.

You will encounter a lot of frustration, a lot of competition, a lot of disappointments, a lot of emotional attachment with the patients (and how to cope not to get affected when they die), a lot of readings, etc...

And that's just the beginning.

So if I were you, please.

DON'T ENTER MED SCHOOL.

I have no more choice since I have already invested so much in this field. That's just me.

But for you aspiring med students, think twice, think thrice--THINK.

And If you do DECIDE on BECOMING A DOCTOR, PREPARE YOURSELF.

You got to be emotionally strong.

It's not JUST GRADES HERE YOU KNOW.

IT'S BALANCING YOUR IQ AND EQ.

BOTH WILL BE TESTED.

TRUST ME.

Don't be Trapped by Dogma