Someday. I can't contain this passion inside of me. I have been reading the book by Robert Greene entitled, "Mastery," and wow... all I can say is wow. It is such a wonder on how one book can give me so much profound knowledge and understanding.

My mind is racing with thoughts and dreams of the future. I am filled with tears with the knowledge that my passion has come back to me. Ever since my brother died 3 years ago, I felt different. As if my world changed and that everything in my life had no meaning... pointless.

Bereavement at it's finest, you may say. Many would have suggested that I should have took another year off from medical school to relieve oneself from the trauma and depression but the agony of not doing anything and the thought of not distracting myself from my grief was unbearable. So, I entered medical school even if I was in deep bereavement, which I have hidden so well with a poker face for years.

School was a routine, just to get by and I lost my vision, mission and my passion for my work. I lost sight of my goal and you may say... yes, I was indeed lost. Many asked me how I persevered, in an atmosphere where the competition is tough, where you do not know who your real friends are and where you must be cautious to trust who.... I guess, what gave me the strength was that I knew in my heart that becoming a doctor is my life's task, my calling, my vocation, my greatest achievement in my life, and my life's sole purpose.

I lost sight of this when Kuya died. It was as if a large part of me was dead as well. You don't know the feeling of losing your brother when you know in your heart he could have been here... still. The hardest part of it all was all the questions... namely, why?

Losing someone who you have grown up with is harder than the ones you looked up to as providers. It's as if that part of your childhood you have shared with that special someone died with them.

I avoided these feelings. I avoided everything associated with my brother soon after and devoted all my time to my studies, in the hope that by doing so, the pain will just simply go away.... but it never did--everyday, I was hurting inside.

I was lost for a very long time.

But now, after 3 years of struggling these emotions, finally.... finally, I have let go.

In letting the past go, I found myself once more.

I found my passion once more. I found my life's true purpose. I found peace.

I found peace.

What a wonderful feeling! :)

I may not know why God allowed these trials to happen in my life, basically the extra 2 years for me to finish medical school (*fingers crossed. please please, no more distractions and setbacks, I want my Lola to see me graduate*), but I no longer question.

God has humbled me in this process and made me patient along the way.

I may not be there yet, but I vow that I will dedicate my life in trying.

I offer my life to God as his humble doctor.

Oh God! As you lay in your tomb today, I thank you for loving me and being patient with me.

Thank you.