FIGHT.

Finals are coming up and it's either you make it or you break it.

I can't afford to be delayed again or what.

FIGHT!

COFFEE IS MY NEW FOUND FRIEND THESE COUPLE OF DAYS :)

Excited to be M.D. soon :) *fingers crossed

To God be thy Glory :)

Someday.

Someday. I can't contain this passion inside of me. I have been reading the book by Robert Greene entitled, "Mastery," and wow... all I can say is wow. It is such a wonder on how one book can give me so much profound knowledge and understanding.

My mind is racing with thoughts and dreams of the future. I am filled with tears with the knowledge that my passion has come back to me. Ever since my brother died 3 years ago, I felt different. As if my world changed and that everything in my life had no meaning... pointless.

Bereavement at it's finest, you may say. Many would have suggested that I should have took another year off from medical school to relieve oneself from the trauma and depression but the agony of not doing anything and the thought of not distracting myself from my grief was unbearable. So, I entered medical school even if I was in deep bereavement, which I have hidden so well with a poker face for years.

School was a routine, just to get by and I lost my vision, mission and my passion for my work. I lost sight of my goal and you may say... yes, I was indeed lost. Many asked me how I persevered, in an atmosphere where the competition is tough, where you do not know who your real friends are and where you must be cautious to trust who.... I guess, what gave me the strength was that I knew in my heart that becoming a doctor is my life's task, my calling, my vocation, my greatest achievement in my life, and my life's sole purpose.

Surpassing the Disappointment and Setbacks.

I've been too hung up on the fact that I filed a LEAVE OF ABSENCE (LOA) last semester during my Third Year as a Medical Student in the University of the East Ramon Magsaysay Memorial Medical Center Inc (UERMMCI) that I have been numbed to my feelings and at the same time been avoiding the subject matter per se.

But recent events had urged me to write about the feelings of what it is like to file an LOA since a freshman student from UP Manila committed suicide because of her forced LOA in response to her inability to pay her tuition fee.

As I try to find more objective evidences about this girl, Kristel Tejada from various news sources, one thing boils down... it is the disappointment of not graduating on time and regrets that stem from your goals in life for your love ones. I can relate because here I am, excited to be an intern at last next year but due to unexpected setbacks, I just have to learn how to cope on dealing with the fact that it's going to be delayed another year once more.

Food for Thought

"Let go of the disappointments and setbacks in your life and hang on to the promises of God for your future."

Find Ways to Motivate Yourself

My room is filled with little notes so that when I get depressed or burn-out with medical school, I am reminded on why I even did this in the first place.

Luckily, I have prepared my mind and soul for what awaits for me in this field. 

I guess, my one year break before med school was worth-it after all.

It taught me how to manage myself and how to stay focus despite the tough academic load. Maybe this is the reason why despite I have so much things to do for tomorrow, I find time to do what I want to do such as writing, hence the existence of this blog site.

I have pictures of people who matter the most to me so that when sh*! happens, I am reminded that they would be there for me. No matter if I would be at the lowest point of my life or at the highest, I know that they would back me up without judgment, without being too critical and without a single word that would hurt.

Thank you.

You don't know how your mere existence propels me to withstand this unbearable test of strength.

We will be doctors one day, and you wouldn't want your primary care physicians to be the first one to panic when things get rough. Maybe that's why they make things harder for us in order to be that source of strength.

I guess.

....

Like what my board says...

                                                                                                                                                 

"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."

                                                                                                                                                 

And so.... you are mine. Thank you. :)

My Only Exception

This song pierces my heart to the core.

Just made a few revisions to make the lyrics in prose form, here it goes:

                                                                                                                                                 

When I was younger, I saw my daddy cry as he cursed at the wind. He broke his own heart and I watched as he tried to reassemble it. My mama swore that she would never let herself forget and that was the day that I promised myself I'd never sing of love since it doesn't exist.

Maybe I know, somewhere deep in my soul that love never lasts. We've got to find other ways to make it on our own, alone or keep a straight face. I've always lived like this. I kept a comfortable distance and up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness. None of it was ever worth the risk.

I've got a tight grip on reality but I can't let go of what's in front of me here. I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up, which leaves me with some kind of proof that all of this is not a dream.

You are the only exception. You are my only exception.

I'm on my way to believe. I'm on my way in believing.