Someday.

Someday. I can't contain this passion inside of me. I have been reading the book by Robert Greene entitled, "Mastery," and wow... all I can say is wow. It is such a wonder on how one book can give me so much profound knowledge and understanding.

My mind is racing with thoughts and dreams of the future. I am filled with tears with the knowledge that my passion has come back to me. Ever since my brother died 3 years ago, I felt different. As if my world changed and that everything in my life had no meaning... pointless.

Bereavement at it's finest, you may say. Many would have suggested that I should have took another year off from medical school to relieve oneself from the trauma and depression but the agony of not doing anything and the thought of not distracting myself from my grief was unbearable. So, I entered medical school even if I was in deep bereavement, which I have hidden so well with a poker face for years.

School was a routine, just to get by and I lost my vision, mission and my passion for my work. I lost sight of my goal and you may say... yes, I was indeed lost. Many asked me how I persevered, in an atmosphere where the competition is tough, where you do not know who your real friends are and where you must be cautious to trust who.... I guess, what gave me the strength was that I knew in my heart that becoming a doctor is my life's task, my calling, my vocation, my greatest achievement in my life, and my life's sole purpose.

Something to Remember Me By.

"You and I have both struggled and stumbled and in truth not always given our best but even then it was our effort... Know that you EARNED the right to be here..."

DAMN RIGHT.

The Neurological Side of Sleep

Sleep is a biologic process, which is cyclic, temporary, physiologic loss of consciousness that is readily, promptly and completely reversed by appropriate stimulus. Sleep involves all the neuro-axis, it just does not involve one part of the brain. It is a reversible behavioral state of perceptual disengagement and unresponsiveness to the environment. It is not a passive process since specialized areas in the brain work to maintain sleep.

Sleep follows a predetermined pattern of well-organized sequential stages and cycles. The structured temporal sequence produces a graphic display known as ARCHITECTURE OF SLEEP, also known as SLEEP HYPNOGRAM. Sleep will always cycle with wakefulness. You do not only sleep at one level. You sleep at different levels which also cycle itself hence there are sequential stages and cycle when we go to sleep.

The best way to determine of the patient is asleep or not is with the use of the ELECTROENCEPHALOGRAM (EEG). This is done by putting on an EEG and apply wave, which measures brain activity and you look at the brain activity of the patient. EEG is the most important means to visualize different stages of sleep by studying brain waves.

According to various sleep theories, sleep is essential for body and brain tissue restoration, memory reinforcement & consolidation, restitution for autonomous functions, energy savings, synaptic and cell network integrity and adaptation.

What will happen to your brain if you do not sleep? It has been shown that impaired concentration, psychological imbalance such as increased irritability & hallucinations and subjective well-being impairment are the aftermath of sleep deprivation. With sleep deprivation for 60 to 200 hours, human beings experience increasing sleepiness, fatigue, irritability and difficulty in concentration. Neurologic signs include nystagmus, impaired saccadic eye movements, loss of accomodation, exophoria, slight tremor of the hands, ptosis of the eyelids, expressionless face and thickness of speech with mispronounciation & incorrect choice of words. During recovery from prolonged sleep deprivation, the amount of sleep obtained is never equal to the amount lost. 

Surpassing the Disappointment and Setbacks.

I've been too hung up on the fact that I filed a LEAVE OF ABSENCE (LOA) last semester during my Third Year as a Medical Student in the University of the East Ramon Magsaysay Memorial Medical Center Inc (UERMMCI) that I have been numbed to my feelings and at the same time been avoiding the subject matter per se.

But recent events had urged me to write about the feelings of what it is like to file an LOA since a freshman student from UP Manila committed suicide because of her forced LOA in response to her inability to pay her tuition fee.

As I try to find more objective evidences about this girl, Kristel Tejada from various news sources, one thing boils down... it is the disappointment of not graduating on time and regrets that stem from your goals in life for your love ones. I can relate because here I am, excited to be an intern at last next year but due to unexpected setbacks, I just have to learn how to cope on dealing with the fact that it's going to be delayed another year once more.

The Line of Uncertainty and The Point of No Return.

I've been away for a very long time and for my readers, I apologize for that. It's just that I have been having a very emotional and rough path these days, these weeks, these months and these years.

What am I saying?

I am saying that I am undergoing a transformation which entails a lot of thinking, medication and internal peace. I am at the stage of my life right now where I am at the line of uncertainty but I have already crossed the point of no return.

I don't know if anyone has experienced what I am saying so let me further elaborate it.

Food for Thought

"Let go of the disappointments and setbacks in your life and hang on to the promises of God for your future."