Angelica: July 2012

I am ready to spread my wings and fly.

Even if I have no sleep and no rest, it won't make me stop achieving the things that I want to accomplish in my life.

I don't know how. I am afraid. Everything is telling me that it's impossible (logically) but then again, my faith in God prevails. I know in the end, He will make all things possible if I just truly believe.

Don't let me go... I humbly pray. I am doing my best, I attest life as my bear witness.

But in the advent that it does, I will bear the pain--that awful pain of rejection and dismay.

Try as I must, but I can only do so much... I firmly pray that at least one sees that I at least did my best.

But even if no one else sees it, I will be standing still to be the only one to be proud of myself.

You don't know what I am going through so you don't have the right to comment on my very life.

You don't know what I have to endure just to withstand the pressure in this career I chose....

So close your mouth. Hush, the words come out are painful.

But in the end, I do not care since for me all your words are futile.

Trust in God, Angelica. He will be the one to get you through this unbearable test of strength in the field we chose, the field of medicine.

In the end, it would be worth-it. Just bear it mind, one day you too will be M.D.

Take everything as a challenge. Lift everything to God.

and....

LET GO.

Now, let's jump off the cliff and spread our wings up high as our Father in Heaven will bring us up high.

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Tired like Hell. My back keeps hurting and the spot where they say I have adenomyoma is hurting badly, but can't really dwell on it because I gotta keep going.

Third year of medical school is tough. So many things needed to do keeps piling up.

I hate this f* routine. I keep doing my paper in the morning. I hate procrastination.
But I can't help it because I am dead asleep when I go home.

I can't even eat lunch decently.

The nerve of some people to assume things.
The nerve of them to demand so much from me and accuse you of not giving ample time for them.

So pissed.

Dead tired. Now off to Pediatrics paper. I will deal with you when I have the luxury of time.

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I don't know what I will do without my trusty locker.

Books are so damn heavy and for some weird reasons, I don't like bringing a bag around the campus.

HAHAHA.

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My room is filled with little notes so that when I get depressed or burn-out with medical school, I am reminded on why I even did this in the first place.

Luckily, I have prepared my mind and soul for what awaits for me in this field.

I guess, my one year break before med school was worth-it after all.

It taught me how to manage myself and how to stay focus despite the tough academic load. Maybe this is the reason why despite I have so much things to do for tomorrow, I find time to do what I want to do such as writing, hence the existence of this blog site.

I have pictures of people who matter the most to me so that when sh*! happens, I am reminded that they would be there for me. No matter if I would be at the lowest point of my life or at the highest, I know that they would back me up without judgment, without being too critical and without a single word that would hurt.

Thank you.

You don't know how your mere existence propels me to withstand this unbearable test of strength.

We will be doctors one day, and you wouldn't want your primary care physicians to be the first one to panic when things get rough. Maybe that's why they make things harder for us in order to be that source of strength.

I guess.

....

Like what my board says...

"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."

And so.... you are mine. Thank you. :)

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At some point in your life as a medical student, you will feel this incessant burn-out syndrome.
But don't fret, when that happens.... just do what I do.

Alcohol = Stimulator.

But only until one bottle or so, because instead of stimulating you to study, it will cause you to dooze off.

HAHAHA.

That happened to me once.

You have to accept at some point of your life that studying is an inevitable part of your career.
That's why you should make studying fun.

Cheers. Study with alcohol. hahaha.