It's a long story on how I ended up here. Maybe when I'm ready, I can narrate the hows and turns. All I know is that I miss my old hospital terribly.

I took my first year of residency at Makati Medical Center. And, I miss them so badly.

Sadly, I had to come home due to personal reasons (I hate you Father. @!#&^)

But, I'll be back soon.

Making the most of my training, being a nurse, clerk, intern and runner on most parts. So happy they took me in as a lateral 2nd year pediatric resident.

I'll die if I had to go through first year again.

DYING.


Sigh.


God give me patience.
Hayy

There's this saying in residency that the hours of duty are long but the days are short. Before you know it, fuck... you're duty again.

EVERY THREE DAYS.

This brings me to the part where all of a sudden you come to a realization that loneliness will always remain a big chunk of your residency life.

Friends and family will just pass you by, while you on the other hand, stuck at the hospital.

EVERY DAY (lest for SKELETAL DUTIES. Hurray holidays and weekend offs).



This then reminded me that early this year, when I least expected it... someone came and filled my lonely life with a whirlwind romance. I honestly thought I would never feel that way again since my last relationship was 5 years ago.

But due to indecisiveness and constant overthinking, we both realized, it wasn't time.


I can't even bring myself to a decent sleep every night (I always find myself sleeping on the couch after binging on netflix because for crying out loud, I need to watch a movie after 36 hours straight of hospital duties).


But....

What surprised me, how that person made me feel. It was magic.

I never felt that feeling with my previous relationships.


Then again, we both have our differences and I guess in God's time, if we are really meant to be, our paths will cross again.


I believe that what's meant for you will always come back when you least expect it.


I just hope when it comes back around, I won't be bombarded with case conferences, research proposals, clinical abstracts and piles of OPD charts waiting to be filled.


I want to be hands-on to this person, give the love he deserves when all the fucked up training is finally done and I can sleep all day long without alarming daily at 5am.


So until then...

Hey loneliness... keep me company.



xoxo

Patient A, please dont have a cardiac arrest or septic shock tonight.

I'm at the other room, lying down, on stand by in either ways. grrrr


* h you!

It's 10:30PM, I'm at the emergency room... waiting for the results of this kid's pee. Thinking of getting the hell out of here, yet 12 noon of the folllwing day, seems so long.

FUCK THIS. What the f am I doing in my life.

Reminds me of the good old days when I was dreaming of a life ahead of me.

I always wanted to be an investigative journalist. The fucking thrill and chase of going outdoors, meeting people of different culture and religions... that was the DREAM.

But then, Pisay came and destroyed the dream, led me places I never saw myself in.

Fast track, 9 years from now... here I am, still sitting for that GADDAM PEE. Hey kid, hurry up would you, I wanna sleep tonight.

Hahaha. Some Pediatrician.

Well, at some point in your life... you begin to lose empathy and compassion.


So its true... residency is a test of character.


Sometimes, we need a lil bit of push to make us see once more the bigger picture from a lil kid's pee.


xoxo

It's 2019! Can't believe that I have stopped writing since.

Well, just for an update.. I am currently on my 2nd year of residency training in Pediatrics.
God knows how much I am dying.

Need an outlet, hence decided to revive this blogsite.


I honestly don't know who reads this, but if you are... I just want to let you know how much it's difficult becoming a doctor.

Let my insights on residency inspire you.


Thank you for silently reading and giving me hope that my existence in life means something!


xoxo