I'm up right now, wide awake. This is very strange because lately I sleep early to jump-start the lessons for the following day. But not like ordinary nights, this one is very different. I'm awake because of some weird realizations. And one is that I realized that I am no longer a child. 

I mean, yeah I still am (my looks can attest to that. hahaha).... but what I'm trying to pinpoint is the fact that I am not emotionally thinking like a child. Sometimes I feel that I am a 40 year old woman trapped in a 20 year old body. Is this because of the recent events that had happened in my life? Well, just to fill you guys in, my brother died early this year in a vehicular accident, which I am not in the mood to elaborate. I'm not yet over with it to talk about it freely. But I know someday I have to face that harsh reality. As for now, let it be this way. Looking back, maybe so. Maybe my brother did had an effect on why right now, I value everything in my life, especially time. Unlike my peers who are in the stage of socializing and trying new things, I see myself as being too serious with life, being determined to achieve my dreams, sacrificing things in the process.

Sometimes I wonder if this is the right thing to do, or to succumb to the way of the norm.  That is to sit back, relax and enjoy the view. Well, if only they saw what I've seen so far... you'll never know when it will all end. If it ends now, I want to be like my brother who was killed in the process of getting there.

I love you bro.