If I had my life to live over, I would have talked less and listened more. I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded. I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace. I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth. I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed. I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage. I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains. I would have cried and laughed less while watching television - and more while watching life. I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband. I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day. I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime. Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle. When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner." There would have been more "I love you's".. More "I'm sorry's" ... But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute... look at it and really see it ... live it...and never give it back. -Erma Bombeck
I'm up right now, wide awake. This is very strange because lately I sleep early to jump-start the lessons for the following day. But not like ordinary nights, this one is very different. I'm awake because of some weird realizations. And one is that I realized that I am no longer a child.
I mean, yeah I still am (my looks can attest to that. hahaha).... but what I'm trying to pinpoint is the fact that I am not emotionally thinking like a child. Sometimes I feel that I am a 40 year old woman trapped in a 20 year old body. Is this because of the recent events that had happened in my life? Well, just to fill you guys in, my brother died early this year in a vehicular accident, which I am not in the mood to elaborate. I'm not yet over with it to talk about it freely. But I know someday I have to face that harsh reality. As for now, let it be this way. Looking back, maybe so. Maybe my brother did had an effect on why right now, I value everything in my life, especially time. Unlike my peers who are in the stage of socializing and trying new things, I see myself as being too serious with life, being determined to achieve my dreams, sacrificing things in the process.
Sometimes I wonder if this is the right thing to do, or to succumb to the way of the norm. That is to sit back, relax and enjoy the view. Well, if only they saw what I've seen so far... you'll never know when it will all end. If it ends now, I want to be like my brother who was killed in the process of getting there.
I love you bro.